Tough Decisions

(wife posting)

Our youngest child is approaching the age where I generally start to get that, "it's time to have another baby" feeling. The thought of bringing another life, another child into an already complicated and difficult situation is absolutely frightening to me. I want more than ANYTHING for my husband to recover from his addictions, I want our family and our marriage to be healthy and happy, and I want to be able to have more children without the fear that I might not be able to provide the kind of life and family that my children deserve. Recently several of our friends have announced that they have a new little one on the way, I am happy and excited for them, but at the same time it makes me sad (for us, not them), it reminds me that my marriage is not in a place where we can make those kinds of decisions right now. I truly hope that someday, hopefully soon, as we continue to work through these GIANT obstacles that I can eventually feel at peace with having another baby. I love and adore my children, they are so amazing, I am incredibly grateful that Heavenly Father entrusted them in my care and if I never get to the point where I feel like we can bring another child into this world then it will be okay because we have been blessed so much already.