I saw this quote today and it truly spoke to me...
"May God help us to be a little kinder,
showing forth greater forbearance,
to be more FORGIVING,
more willing to walk the SECOND mile,
to reach down and lift UP those who may have sinned
but have brought forth the fruits of repentance,
to lay aside old grudges and nurture them no more."
-President Gordon B. Hinkely (former LDS Prophet)
I am so excited for our family to be together again. I am excited to have all of us under one roof, I am excited to have a husband again and for my kids to have a mom and a DAD again. But I am scared, anxious, and worried about what the future holds for our family and our marriage. I desperately want my husband to change, to get the guidance and help he needs, and to daily rely on the Lord for strength to overcome these addictions. I KNOW that he CAN do it, but what I don't know is if he WILL do it. With all these uncertainties there are a few things I do know with out a single doubt...
*The Gospel of Jesus Christ is TRUE, I know that for a fact, my testimony of the Savior and HIS Gospel (The Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints) is my CORE, it is my strength and my foundation, with out my testimony I would feel so lost, alone, and afraid.
*My Heavenly Father LOVES me, he LOVES my husband, he LOVES my children (he LOVES all of his children here on earth), he wants us to be happy, I know that I would not have received my answer from my Heavenly Father that he wants my husband and I to continue to work through our trials if there was no hope and if he didn't intend to help us through this every step of the way, however the KEY to receiving his help is to ask for it, to turn to him through prayer, and to have the strength to carry out whatever he asks of us.
*I struggle with praying daily, I don't know WHY, this is something that I am working on, but I do know that prayer is essential to communicating with our Father in Heaven, he WANTS us desperately to come to him through prayer, to thank him for our abundance of blessings, to ask for the things we are in need of, and to receive guidance from him.
*I know that my family loves me, they want me to be happy, and they will support me in my decisions. I also know that they trust me to know what is best for me and my children and that I will do what the Lord asks of me.
*I know that I can not change my husband, I have tried, it is not something I recommend! I also know that his addictions are not my fault. Many women that are married to a man that has a pornography addiction often think it is because of them, they feel like they are not good enough, or not sexual enough, or not attractive enough, I know this because I have experienced all of these feelings myself, but it is not true, it is NOT your fault.
*I know that addictions are REAL, every addict 'cycles', weather someone looks at pornography once a week, once a month, once a year, whatever their cycle may be, they are still addicted. Addicts almost always make excuses or justifications and just because their episodes of 'using' pornography may not be constant does not mean that it is not a problem, that it is not an addiction.
*I KNOW that I LOVE my husband, I WANT to get through this, I WANT to be his 'help mate', I KNOW that as we turn our lives over to the Lord that he will give us the strength and the tools to face these addictions (and the damage they have caused) head on. I also know that my husband will never completely BEAT these addictions, for a long time I wondered, 'when will this be over'?. As I am learning more about addiction and educating myself about the effects of addiction on a person and the damaging effects addiction has on a persons brain, I now know that this will NEVER be over. This is something my husband will struggle with for the rest of his life. That doesn't mean that my husband can't CONTROL his addictions instead of allowing them to control him, with the help of the Lord ALL things are possible. MY husband can get his life back, we CAN have a happy, healthy marriage and family, and I hope and pray we can get to a much better place!!
As long as my husband SHOWS me that he will continually work on controlling his addictions, as long as he will SHOW me that he is going to truly repent and turn his life
over to the Lord, and long as he SHOWS me that he will put our family first no matter
how hard that may be at times...
I will be HERE, holding his hand, encouraging him every step of the way!