Sunday, October 18, 2009

I'm Scared

(Wife posting)

Our family has had an extremely rough year and a half (aside from my husbands addictions), there have been moments where I have felt like giving up and I have thought 'why us, we have been through so much already'. I know it will do me no good to think about all the why's and that I need to look towards the future with faith that if we live righteously that the Lord will bless us. Recently I have felt so good about the direction things are going, I feel like we are being given a chance to start over, a new place, a new job, a new perspective, but as I get more and more 'comfortable' with the direction things are going, paranoia starts to set in. See, every time I get comfortable and THINK that things are going so well, that is when my heart gets broken, that is when my husband slips up again. I don't know if I can survive having my heart broken again. I don't want to live in fear, but when you are married to someone who is an addict weather it be pornography, drugs, gambling, etc... it is very difficult to not constantly wonder, 'what is going to happen next'. If anyone out there has been through trials similar to ours has any advice for me I will gladly listen, I want to enjoy this time of things progressing and going well without constantly being paranoid that the next bomb is about to go off.


  1. I am a mother of a recovering pornography addict who did the Life Star program. I noticed you asked about it in one of your previous posts. It is a wonderful program, however, my son has had a serious relapse in the last week. I don't know if his wife is going to stay with him or not, as he is going to be excommunicated. She is so tired, hurt and doesn't know if she can continue. He didn't relapse because Life Star isn't good--he relapsed because he didn't continue to do the work he needs to do and he stopped his spiritaul recovery as well. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope many will see your blog and get hope and faith from it. I found your blog by accident (actually really not an accident--I think I was guided). Thank you again for your honesty--both of you.

  2. To Anonymous-

    Thank you for your comment. I am so sorry to hear about your sons relapse, it truly brakes my heart! I hope that your daughter-in-law will seek guidence from the Lord, her bishop, and loved ones as to where to go from here. I hope that the spirit will guide you all during these difficult days. You will ALL be in my prayers!!!