Tuesday, April 7, 2009

From The Wife's Perspective

I want to start out by saying that I am very happy that my husband started this blog. I really think that it will be a great tool for us to try to work through the enormous obstacles that we are currently facing. We are really hoping that through this blog we can help other people that might find them selves in a similar situation. I have spent a lot of time thinking about "how" we are going to help other people when we are struggling so much. I want to be a success story. I want to be THAT couple who through turning of lives over to the Lord got through it. I want to be happy and in love again. We are not there, but I truly believe that we could be if we take the steps necessary to get there. For now I hope that when other people read this blog that it will give them strength to keep trying and to know that they are NOT alone. But in the future I hope that people will be able to come to this blog and read about a couple who made it through the biggest trial of their lives (so far) and are whole again.

One of the most difficult parts of dealing with these trials for me has been how alone I have felt. I have known about my husbands addictions for about 6 years now (majority of our marriage). I have felt very alone and helpless throughout most of this time. There are a few of our family members that know about my husbands addictions but I have found that talking to them has not been a big help for me. I'm not saying that talking to a family member might not be a good thing for someone else, but in my case it really didn't help. I feel like family members are to emotionally connected and it is hard for them to hear about what you are going through because they don't want you to be hurting.

I know that I need to turn to prayer more often and that if I would that I could gain a lot of peace in dealing with my trials. For some reason prayer has really been something I am struggling with to do consistently. I want to change that! I want to grow closer to the Lord through prayer. Speaking with our Bishop has been a HUGE help for me. Our Bishop is one of the most amazing men that I have ever met. He has helped my husband and I tremendously and I am so grateful that he has been there for us during these difficult times. Another thing that has really helped me was to talk to my husbands best friend about our situation. I debated for a long time weather or not I should go to his friend (our friend:) and tell him about what was going on, but I KNEW that telling him was what Heavenly Father wanted me to do. I think that telling his friend was not just to help me, but to help my husband. My husband would have never told his friend on his own and now he can go to him for help if he needs to.

I want all of the wives out there to know that they are NOT alone. There are so many of us that are experiencing them same trials and heartache that you are. If you ever need someone to talk to PLEASE feel free to email me- spirituallyfit09@gmail.com

Right now with all that we are dealing with I feel like I tend to focus on my husbands short comings rather than his strengths. I want him to KNOW how much I really do love him. I would not have stayed in this marriage if I didn't love him. We are at a crossroad in our marriage, I have had ENOUGH and he has to choose, Our Family or the Addictions? I hope and pray he chooses us!! I KNOW that he can be the man he was MEANT to be. My husband is incredibly smart, he is an amazing father, a born leader, and aside from the addictions a great husband and friend. I truly believe that he can do anything and be anything that he wants to be. I have never met someone with so much talent in so many different areas. I am READY to see him take those talents and be the amazing man that I know he is capable of being.

Monday, April 6, 2009

The Never Ending Loop

I don't know how many people out there find themselves in a never ending cycle that they cannot get out of? I am sure there are people that don't even realize that they are in one. I can honestly say I want out of mine. My relationship with my wife is in the same loop as my addictions and has been for some time. I don't know how many more times we can have the same arguments and the same conversations. I know what i need to do! We argue, she gets mad over all the same things that she has been mad about for years, I feel like she can't get past anything, she feels like I am not doing anything different to change our situation, I feel like I am doing things and she just isn't seeing them, she feels like I am doing the minimum, I realize she is right as usual, I humble myself and apologize and make promises she has heard a thousand times, I start out excited to make changes and really show her I am serious and going to do it, and then before I know it we are back to the beginning.

I have been able to avoid my addictions for some time now but I think the key word there is AVOID. My wife knows it and so do I. They are not gone and just like every so often over the last 15 years we are both waiting for something to happen to take us back to square one. Thus I am in a holding pattern, a repeating cycle, and if I don't get help soon I am heading for another crash that I am sure will finally end my marriage so....

Step 1 - Admit that you have an addition and alone you are completely powerless to stop it and that your life is out of control and unmanageable.

Its time to really do the things that I have been promising to do for 6 years. I don't know what will be different, I don't know why I will finally be able to do It this time, but I know this time I am not going to try to do it alone. I am going to rely on the Lord, my friends, and my wife(that is very easy to write and I pray that I can really do it).