Sunday, November 22, 2009


what a good week. It is amazing the difference that can take place inside oneself in a day,hour,or even in a moment. The previous few weeks had been rough for my relationship with my wife. I hadn't been making bad choices but just as importantly I hadnt been doing daily things to show that I want to recover and prove to my wife that I am serious about not falling back into old habits which always lead me back to my addictions.
So throught a serious of fights with the wife, lessons at church and a powerful fireside by Dan Gray I had an amazing change of heart. I awoke to a pupose of my being and had a overwhelming desire to take on my weakness. Like in the fireside I want to awake the warrior with-in and surrender myself to God. I always thought that meant becoming someone else but in really means becoming someone more. I want to be more. I am going to show my God and my family that I am done letting satan get his chains around me I am ready to fight. I know now what that means. It is a battle and If I am going to win it will only be with relying on the General that can never lose and has the knowledge of the battle before they even take place. How powerful is that knowledge

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Are YOU a Warrior? (or not)

(wife posting)

Today as I was doing my personal scripture study I came across this verse in the Book of Mormon...

Moroni 7:12
"Wherefore, all things which are good cometh of God; and that which is evil cometh of the devil; for the devil is an enemy unto God, and fighteth against him continually, and inviteth and enticeth to sin, and do that which is evil continually."

This scripture really stood out in my mind, "ALL THAT IS GOOD COMETH OF GOD, ALL THAT WHICH IS EVIL COMETH OF THE DEVIL". There is NO GRAY AREA here, you are either on the Lords side or you are not, there is absolutely no way to be on both sides. I think as human beings we walk a fine line of WANTING to be on the Lords side, but struggling with Satan tempting and enticing us continually to join forces with him. It is so important that we DAILY seek guidance from the Lord for everything in our lives, each day we need to kneel down and pray to our Father in Heaven for strength to be a WARRIOR in his army, to fight against the powers of the evil one, and to not be a casualty in this war of GOOD vs. EVIL.

This past Sunday my husband and I had the opportunity to go to a fireside and hear one of the founders of the Lifestar Sexual Addiction Recovery Program speak (this is a program that we have researched and would like to do ourselves). His talk was all about Warriors, what it means to be a Warrior in Gods army and how to become one. It was an INCREDIBLE talk and I am SO grateful that we were able to hear it. Since going to this fireside my husband and I have spoken many times this week about working hard to always be worthy of being a Warrior in God's army. Being a Warrior doesn't mean you are perfect, being a Warrior means that you have love and respect for the Lord and his commandments, it means that you admit when you are wrong and immediately seek repentance, it means that you STAND UP AND FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN!

We need to have the faith of Nephi...
Nephi 3:7

"And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my Father: I will go and do the things which the Lord commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."

The speaker also said something in his talk that really struck me, he talked about knowing who is stronger, the Spirit of God or the devil. There have been so many times throughout this journey with my husband that I have thought to myself, "I GIVE up, these addictions are too strong and there is no hope for us." I was SO wrong, and I am incredibly grateful for that. These addictions are very powerful, very controlling, and evil, but the Spirit of God is stronger, more powerful, and able to overcome all things. I wish that my husband and I could have been in the place that we are getting to now years ago, we are truly BEGINNING to surrender our lives over to the Lord, it has been a beautiful, humbling, and empowering experience! The spirit that has been in our home the last few weeks has been wonderful, I am making big changes in my attitude towards this trial, I am seeking to work on my problems and to grow closer to the Lord. In return I have seen growth and progress in my husband that I didn't know was possible, he has been a different person lately and we have had a different marriage. WHY DID IT TAKE US SO LONG TO CALL UPON THE POWERS OF HEAVEN FOR HELP, WHY ARE WE SO STUBBORN TO THINK THAT WE COULD HANDLE THIS DEMON ON OUR OWN? I don't know, but I feel incredible gratitude that it is happening now. Don't get me wrong, we have prayed, we have attended our Church meetings, we have gone to the Temple, we have done these things, but now it is our HEARTS that are changing, we are working towards FULLY putting our lives in the hands of the Lord and trusting that if we follow him completely, in our actions, thoughts, and feelings, HE WILL GET US THROUGH THIS. I believe that we went through certain experiences for a reason, a 'refiners fire' in a since, and after having those experiences we can look back and see where we have been(a place I NEVER want to go back to), but we can also see the direction that we are heading if we put our trust in the Lord Almighty and join HIS ARMY!

At the fireside the speaker talked about how Satan has infiltrated our homes, automobiles, pockets, and laps through radio, television, music, media, Internet, cellular phones, laptops, etc... THE BATTLE IS RAGING STRONG, so I ask...

WHO'S SIDE ARE YOU ON? ARE YOU GOING TO BE A WARRIOR IN GOD'S ARMY OR ARE YOU GOING TO BE A CASUALTY IN THIS WAR? Satan WILL NOT WIN this war, the Spirit of God is stronger, but it takes all of us joining together to fight the fight.

P.S. As I have thought about Warriors in my own life these people have come to my mind...

Joseph Smith
Emma Smith
The Pioneers
Adam & Eve
Brigham Young
Gordon B. Hinkley
Thomas S. Monson
Our former Bishop and his family
My Mother
My Grandmother
My Children!!!

These are just a few that I can think of now, but I'm sure if I were to spend sometime thinking about it that my list would continue to grow and grow!!! I hope to in the future feel worthy to add myself to this list.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

The Past and Procrastination

How do u get past the past? I dont know how to undo what I've done and it doesn't seem like I can move on from the my past mistakes. I know that I can but sometimes it feels like the people my addictions have hurt want to contiually bring up the past and how much damage I have caused. It makes me feel like they dont want to move on. In reality it is the damage I have caused that makes it so hard for those I love to try and move on from the past because they r so afraid to go through all the pain and sorrow addictions cause again. One can only give another person so many chances before there is nothing left. I am getting close to that point with my wife and I am very lucky and blessed she has stood by me thus far! I have a wonderful wife whom I have hurt very badly through the past several years. While I have never cheated on her physically with another person porn is a form of mental unfaithfullness and for that I am and will be forever sorry. I love you and want you to know how much staying with me while I (hopefully and finally) learn to control and recover from my addiction means to me.

For me the hardest part of all this is not pretending like everything is fine. When my wife seems to be okay and I am busy and just living my life seemingly addiction free I tend to think my wife is okay and I am addiction free. Then the aftermath of my addictions rears it's ugly head in the form of either a nasty fight because I am trying to pretend everything is alright and I don't understand why my wife can't just let it go and I talk and act insenitively or I am not following through on my Daily promices to actively remember and recover from my addictions so my wife calls me on it and I get defensive and make it worse. Why won't I do the little things I need to do to show myself and my wife I will not let my addictions come back into our life again. I know one thing for sure if I dont I am going to have a relapse and It could very well end things with my wife. So how does a perpetutal procrastinator stop procrastinating? I wish I knew but I am going to try my hardest to figure it out and when I do I will let you know!!!

Friday, November 13, 2009


(wife posting)

One of my very best friends (who is also married to a man that is addicted to pornography) sent me this talk to read. It is from the most recent LDS General Conference, I actually did not see this particular talk while watching conference, so I was anxious to get to read it. This talk by Elder Scott is fabulous! I LOVED it, I am now going to study it, pray about it, learn from it, and apply it to MY own life.

*** I have a question for mothers of teenage boys, what have you done to keep them safe from pornography? This is a HUGE fear for me, I have a son, he is very small now, but he won't always be :) and I want to do everything possible to keep him safe from this horrible addiction. I guess I am wondering what anyone out there who may stumble upon this blog has done to keep pornography out of your homes and lives. I KNOW that we can not control another persons actions, but we as mothers, parents,and wives CAN take precautions to protect our home and families from this evil.***

To Acquire Spiritual Guidance
Elder Richard G. Scott
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

By careful practice, through the application of correct principles, and by being sensitive to the feelings that come, you will gain spiritual guidance.

Throughout the ages, many have obtained guidance helpful to resolve challenges in their lives by following the example of respected individuals who resolved similar problems. Today, world conditions change so rapidly that such a course of action is often not available to us.

Personally, I rejoice in that reality because it creates a condition where we, of necessity, are more dependent upon the Spirit to guide us through the vicissitudes of life. Therefore, we are led to seek personal inspiration in life’s important decisions.

What can you do to enhance your capacity to be led to correct decisions in your life? What are the principles upon which spiritual communication depends? What are the potential barriers to such communication that you need to avoid?

President John Taylor wrote: “Joseph Smith, upwards of forty years ago, said to me: ‘Brother Taylor, you have received the Holy Ghost. Now follow the influence of that Spirit, and it will lead you into all truth, until by and by, it will become in you a principle of revelation.’ Then he told me never to arise in the morning without bowing before the Lord, and dedicating myself to him during that day.”1

Father in Heaven knew that you would face challenges and be required to make some decisions that would be beyond your own ability to decide correctly. In His plan of happiness, He included a provision for you to receive help with such challenges and decisions during your mortal life. That assistance will come to you through the Holy Ghost as spiritual guidance. It is a power, beyond your own capability, that a loving Heavenly Father wants you to use consistently for your peace and happiness.

I am convinced that there is no simple formula or technique that would immediately allow you to master the ability to be guided by the voice of the Spirit. Our Father expects you to learn how to obtain that divine help by exercising faith in Him and His Holy Son, Jesus Christ. Were you to receive inspired guidance just for the asking, you would become weak and ever more dependent on Them. They know that essential personal growth will come as you struggle to learn how to be led by the Spirit.

What may appear initially to be a daunting task will be much easier to manage over time as you consistently strive to recognize and follow feelings prompted by the Spirit. Your confidence in the direction you receive from the Holy Ghost will also become stronger. I witness that as you gain experience and success in being guided by the Spirit, your confidence in the impressions you feel can become more certain than your dependence on what you see or hear.

Spirituality yields two fruits. The first is inspiration to know what to do. The second is power, or the capacity to do it. These two capacities come together. That’s why Nephi could say, “I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded.”2 He knew the spiritual laws upon which inspiration and power are based. Yes, God answers prayer and gives us spiritual direction when we live obediently and exercise the required faith in Him.

Now I share an experience that taught me a way to gain spiritual guidance. One Sunday I attended the priesthood meeting of a Spanish branch in Mexico City. I vividly recall how a humble Mexican priesthood leader struggled to communicate the truths of the gospel in his lesson material. I noted the intense desire he had to share those principles he strongly valued with his quorum members. He recognized that they were of great worth to the brethren present. In his manner, there was an evidence of a pure love of the Savior and love of those he taught.

His sincerity, purity of intent, and love permitted a spiritual strength to envelop the room. I was deeply touched. Then I began to receive personal impressions as an extension of the principles taught by that humble instructor. They were personal and related to my assignments in the area. They came in answer to my prolonged, prayerful efforts to learn.

As each impression came, I carefully wrote it down. In the process, I was given precious truths that I greatly needed in order to be a more effective servant of the Lord. The details of the communication are sacred and, like a patriarchal blessing, were for my individual benefit. I was given specific directions, instructions, and conditioned promises that have beneficially altered the course of my life.

Subsequently, I visited the Sunday School class in our ward, where a very well-educated teacher presented his lesson. That experience was in striking contrast to the one enjoyed in the priesthood meeting. It seemed to me that the instructor had purposely chosen obscure references and unusual examples to illustrate the principles of the lesson. I had the distinct impression that this instructor was using the teaching opportunity to impress the class with his vast store of knowledge. At any rate, he certainly did not seem as intent on communicating principles as had the humble priesthood leader.

In that environment, strong impressions began to flow to me again. I wrote them down. The message included specific counsel on how to become more effective as an instrument in the hands of the Lord. I received such an outpouring of impressions that were so personal that I felt it was not appropriate to record them in the midst of a Sunday School class. I sought a more private location, where I continued to write the feelings that flooded into my mind and heart as faithfully as possible. After each powerful impression was recorded, I pondered the feelings I had received to determine if I had accurately expressed them in writing. As a result, I made a few minor changes to what had been written. Then I studied their meaning and application in my own life.

Subsequently I prayed, reviewing with the Lord what I thought I had been taught by the Spirit. When a feeling of peace came, I thanked Him for the guidance given. I was then impressed to ask, “Was there yet more to be given?” I received further impressions, and the process of writing down the impressions, pondering, and praying for confirmation was repeated. Again I was prompted to ask, “Is there more I should know?” And there was. When that last, most sacred experience was concluded, I had received some of the most precious, specific, personal direction one could hope to obtain in this life. Had I not responded to the first impressions and recorded them, I would not have received the last, most precious guidance.

What I have described is not an isolated experience. It embodies several true principles regarding communication from the Lord to His children here on earth. I believe that you can leave the most precious, personal direction of the Spirit unheard because you do not respond to, record, and apply the first promptings that come to you.

Impressions of the Spirit can come in response to urgent prayer or unsolicited when needed. Sometimes the Lord reveals truth to you when you are not actively seeking it, such as when you are in danger and do not know it. However, the Lord will not force you to learn. You must exercise your agency to authorize the Spirit to teach you. As you make this a practice in your life, you will be more perceptive to the feelings that come with spiritual guidance. Then, when that guidance comes, sometimes when you least expect it, you will recognize it more easily.

The inspiring influence of the Holy Spirit can be overcome or masked by strong emotions, such as anger, hate, passion, fear, or pride. When such influences are present, it is like trying to savor the delicate flavor of a grape while eating a jalapeño pepper. Both flavors are present, but one completely overpowers the other. In like manner, strong emotions overcome the delicate promptings of the Holy Spirit.

Sin is addictive; self-degenerating; conducive to other strains of corruption; deadening to spirituality, conscience, and reason; blinding to reality; contagious; destructive to mind, body, and spirit. Sin is spiritually corrosive. Unrestrained it becomes all-consuming. It is overcome by repentance and righteousness.

I share a warning. Satan is extremely good at blocking spiritual communication by inducing individuals, through temptation, to violate the laws upon which spiritual communication is founded. With some, he is able to convince them that they are not able to receive such guidance from the Lord.

Satan has become a master at using the addictive power of pornography to limit individual capacity to be led by the Spirit. The onslaught of pornography in all of its vicious, corroding, destructive forms has caused great grief, suffering, heartache, and destroyed marriages. It is one of the most damning influences on earth. Whether it be through the printed page, movies, television, obscene lyrics, vulgarities on the telephone, or flickering personal computer screen, pornography is overpoweringly addictive and severely damaging. This potent tool of Lucifer degrades the mind and the heart and the soul of any who use it. All who are caught in its seductive, tantalizing web and remain so will become addicted to its immoral, destructive influence. For many, that addiction cannot be overcome without help. The tragic pattern is so familiar. It begins with curiosity that is fueled by its stimulation and is justified by the false premise that when done privately, it does no harm to anyone else. For those lulled by this lie, the experimentation goes deeper, with more powerful stimulations, until the trap closes and a terribly immoral, addictive habit exercises its vicious control.

Participation in pornography in any of its lurid forms is a manifestation of unbridled selfishness. How can a man, particularly a priesthood bearer, not think of the emotional and spiritual damage caused to women, especially his wife, by such abhorrent activity?

Well did inspired Nephi declare, “And [the devil] will . . . pacify, and lull them away into carnal security, . . . and thus [he] cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell.”3

If you are ensnarled in pornography, make a total commitment to overcome it now. Find a quiet place; pray urgently for help and support. Be patient and obedient. Don’t give up.

Parents, be aware that the addiction of pornography can begin with youth at a very early age. Take preventative action to avoid that tragedy. Stake presidents and bishops, warn of this evil. Invite anyone you consider captured by it to come to you for help.
An individual with foundation standards and an enduring commitment to obey them is not easily led astray. Someone who is increasingly repulsed by grievous sin and who exercises self-restraint outside human influence has character. Repentance will be more efficacious for such an individual. A feeling of remorse after a mistake is a fertile soil wherein repentance can flower.

Have patience as you are perfecting your ability to be led by the Spirit. By careful practice, through the application of correct principles, and by being sensitive to the feelings that come, you will gain spiritual guidance. I bear witness that the Lord, through the Holy Ghost, can speak to your mind and heart. Sometimes the impressions are just general feelings. Sometimes the direction comes so clearly and so unmistakably that it can be written down like spiritual dictation.4

I bear solemn witness that as you pray with all the fervor of your soul with humility and gratitude, you can learn to be consistently guided by the Holy Spirit in all aspects of your life. I have confirmed the truthfulness of that principle in the crucible of my own life. I testify that you can personally learn to master the principles of being guided by the Spirit. That way, the Savior can guide you to resolve challenges of life and enjoy great peace and happiness. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

1. John Taylor, The Gospel Kingdom, ed. G. Homer Durham (1943), 43–44.
2. 1 Nephi 3:7.
3. 2 Nephi 28:21.
4. See D&C 8:2.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Developing and Teaching Self-Mastery

(Wife posting)

I found this lesson today on LDS.Org while doing some research. I think this is an AMAZING lesson and will help anyone with any type of trial. I also posted earlier today some thoughts and feelings I have had over the past week, if you scroll down to the post previous to this one you can read it there.

{To my husband, I hope that you will read and study this lesson, I plan to read and study this lesson my self because I believe it will be an extremely helpful tool for me, I would love to study it together, but that will be YOUR choice, I hope that through studying this lesson that you might be able to better understand where I am coming from with "setting boundaries" and me needing to SEE effort from you.}

“Lesson 18: Developing and Teaching Self-Mastery,” Duties and Blessings of the Priesthood: Basic Manual for Priesthood Holders, Part B, 163

The purpose of this lesson is to help us develop greater self-mastery and to teach us how to help our children develop this strength.

A story is told about how Arabian horses are selected and trained. Because these horses are used in important service, they must have unquestioning obedience to their masters. Early in their training they are taught to respond instantly to the master’s command. Then they are given a test to see how they behave under pressure. For a long period of time they are kept in an enclosure away from water that is available just outside the gate. After a period of time the gate is opened, and the horses run for the water. Just before they reach the water, however, the master blows a whistle. Because of their thirst, some of the horses pay no attention. But others immediately turn and go to the master. These obedient horses have learned discipline and are accepted for the most important jobs. The others are used in less important work. (Adapted from Sterling W. Sill, Leadership [1958], 1:62–63.)

The Lord has given us our agency. Thus, we are free to make choices. These choices determine our future: As we choose righteousness, we prove ourselves worthy to serve in the kingdom of God. But to choose righteousness, we, like the horses, need training, discipline, and obedience. These things help us control our appetites and passions and teach us to follow the promptings of our Master, even when we are tempted.

• Read Proverbs 16:32.

Self-Mastery Is Necessary for Eternal Progression
Self-mastery is the power within us to control our desires and actions. Such power is necessary to return to live with Heavenly Father. It requires continual effort on our part, but as we develop self-mastery, we become better prepared to make correct decisions.

Self-mastery is especially important for us as priesthood bearers. We cannot effectively counsel and serve others unless we are striving to master ourselves. As we strive for self-mastery we are an example to our children and others.

When we are baptized, we begin a new life devoted to following the Savior. But to follow Him we must overcome worldliness, weakness, and imperfection. The Savior taught, “If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me” (Matthew 16:24). He also taught, “Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it” (Matthew 7:13–14).

Entering into the narrow way requires self-restraint and self-denial. It means overcoming temptations. But the Lord promises to reward us for mastering ourselves and following His commandments.

Self-Mastery Makes Us Free
Heavenly Father has given us commandments because He loves us and wants to protect us from sorrow. Following His commandments will make us free.

Developing self-mastery will help us form positive habits such as arising early, studying the scriptures daily, and fulfilling our assignments promptly. Such habits can free us from confusion. Following are other principles that bring us freedom when we obey them:

By obeying the law of tithing, we learn to overcome selfish desires.

The Word of Wisdom
By living this law we can be free of the harmful effects of tobacco, alcohol, and drugs.

Keeping our actions and thoughts within the boundaries the Lord has set frees us from sorrow and regret.

• What other gospel principles bring us freedom when we follow them? How do they free us?

Gaining Self-Mastery
• Read Alma 37:32–37. What does this scripture teach us about self-mastery? (We should feel disgust for sin and iniquity, repent, have faith in Christ, be humble, make the effort to withstand every temptation, never become weary of good works, learn wisdom, keep the commandments of God, pray, and counsel with the Lord in all our doings.)

Gaining self-mastery is a lifelong process. It requires a knowledge of ourselves and of gospel principles. It means setting goals to live those principles and relying on the Lord for strength and support as we do our best to reach those goals.

• Display a poster of the following list, or refer to the information on the chalkboard:

How to Gain Self-Mastery

1. Know yourself.

2. Set righteous goals.

3. Rely on the Lord through prayer and scripture study.

Know Yourself
As we gain experience and learn more about the gospel, we come to recognize our strengths and weaknesses. With this recognition comes a desire to overcome bad habits and feelings and a motivation to improve strengths we already have.

President David O. McKay said that some of the evils we find in ourselves are jealousy, hatred, envy, and animosity. Of them he said: “All such evils you must overcome by suppression. That is where your control comes in. Suppress that anger! Suppress that jealousy, that envy! They are all injurious to the spirit” (Gospel Ideals [1954], 356).

Overcoming these feelings is not easy; it takes time to change. But as we make the effort and depend on Heavenly Father’s help, we will develop the patience and courage to overcome the evils we find in ourselves.

Set Righteous Goals
A good way to gain self-mastery is to set and achieve goals. If we have a goal firmly set in our minds and work to accomplish our goals with the Lord’s help, we will achieve self-mastery. This process requires endurance, but the Lord has told us that we must endure to the end in righteous living to achieve the goal of exaltation, or eternal life (see D&C 14:7).

• Ask the class members to ponder for a moment the goals they are presently working toward.

Rely on the Lord through Prayer and Scripture Study
It takes faith in Jesus Christ to overcome our temptations and achieve our eternal goals. Regular prayer and scripture study promote this faith and help us gain the strength to overcome our problems. In addition, the lives of the Lord’s servants detailed in the scriptures set examples for us to follow; they help us realize that if others have gained self-mastery, we can gain it too.

• Invite class members to tell how they have gained self-mastery through reading the scriptures and praying.

Helping Children Develop Self-Mastery
• Show visual 18-a, “Wise parents teach their children self-mastery.”

Our homes should be places where our children can learn self-mastery. The following four principles can help us teach our children self-mastery.

• Display a poster of the following list, or refer to the information on the chalkboard:

How to Teach Children Self-Mastery

1. Establish and enforce rules early.

2. Teach children the principles of the gospel.

3. Give children responsibility.

4. Discipline with love.

Establish and Enforce Rules Early
President David O. McKay taught that a child should learn obedience at an early age. If parents do not teach their children obedience early, they may have difficulty doing so later on. He stressed that we should let the child be free to develop; but if the child goes beyond the established rules, we should be gentle, yet firm, in our restraint. (See Stepping Stones to an Abundant Life, comp. Llewelyn R. McKay [1971], 38.)

President N. Eldon Tanner also discussed the importance of teaching children while they are young: “While we are teaching [our children], we have the responsibility to discipline them and to see that they do what is right. If a child is [covered] with dirt, we do not wait until he grows up to decide whether or not he will bathe. We do not let him wait to decide whether or not he will take his medicine when sick, or go to school or to church” (Seek Ye First The Kingdom of God, comp. LaRue Sneff [1973], 87).

Teach Children the Principles of the Gospel
President N. Eldon Tanner said: “Parents also should teach their children early in life the glorious concept and fact that they are spirit children of God, and [that] choosing to follow the teachings of Jesus Christ is the only way to enjoy success and happiness here and eternal life hereafter. They must be taught that Satan is real and that he will use all agencies at his disposal to tempt them to do wrong, to [try to] lead them astray, make them his captives, and keep them from [the] supreme happiness and exaltation they could otherwise enjoy” (Seek Ye First The Kingdom of God, 87).

If we want to teach our children gospel principles, we must also set proper examples for our children to follow. If we fail to control our appetites and passions, we cannot expect our children to control theirs.

Give Children Responsibility
Elder L. Tom Perry said: “We must be … certain that our teaching is adequate and that we have instilled a faith and trust in the Lord in [our children’s] lives. We must be certain that they have been trained properly, and as they start to mature spiritually, we need to give them opportunities to express the strength that is growing within them. We need to give them our faith and trust and then give them responsibility” (in Conference Report, São Paulo Area Conference 1975, 12).

There are many ways to teach children responsibility. Elder F. Enzio Busche gave one example:

“We try to guide our children toward self-respect … and mostly leave it up to them to judge themselves. We have experienced the fact that one is not as good a teacher when one discovers and points out mistakes … as when one helps a child to discover for himself that he is doing wrong. When a child can comprehend his mistakes himself, the first step to change has already been taken.

“I remember once how we asked our son, after a transgression, to set his own punishment. He decided that he should not be allowed to watch television for one month. That seemed to us to be considerably too severe, but how happy we were to hear from his grandmother that while visiting her he had insisted she was wrong to encourage him to watch a certain television program, even though his parents would never know. I don’t think there can be a greater joy for parents than to see a child handle himself well in a difficult situation” (“Provoke Not Your Children,” Ensign, Mar. 1976, 42).

• What did Elder Busche do to help his children develop self-mastery? (He helped them gain self-respect by discovering their own mistakes. He encouraged them to discipline themselves.)

Before we give our children responsibilities, we as parents must ensure that they are ready for them. President Tanner explained: “Children do not learn by themselves how to distinguish right from wrong. Parents have to determine the child’s readiness to assume responsibility and his capacity to make sound decisions, to evaluate alternatives, and [to experience] the results of doing so” (Seek Ye First The Kingdom of God, 87).

Discipline with Love
When we discipline our children, we should do so with firmness but not cruelty. We should clearly state our expectations of them and give appropriate punishments. After we discipline our children, we should show an increase of love toward them.

• Read Doctrine and Covenants 121:43–44. Why should we show an increase of love to children after disciplining them? (So they understand that we love them and that we discipline them to ensure their well-being, and so they do not think we are their enemy)

• Discuss the following examples with the class. Emphasize that the solutions require self-mastery. You may want to ask for personal examples from class members instead of listing these examples.

1. Sven and Inger have three teenage children who argue and quarrel constantly. How could they help their children stop quarreling and develop self-mastery?

2. John and Elsie want to have family prayer in their home each day, but work schedules, school schedules, and other duties interfere. Family members feel that it is impossible to get together for family prayer. What can John and Elsie do to help the family develop the self-mastery to have family prayer?

3. The Unga family recognizes the need to pay tithing, but the family members never feel that they have enough money to meet their other expenses. However, they always seem to have enough money for recreation, new clothing, and nonessential items as they desire them. How can these family members develop the self-mastery to pay tithing?

• How will individuals who have mastered themselves act toward others in their family?

Using our God-given agency and working diligently, we must develop self-mastery if we want to prepare ourselves and our families to meet challenges. We must be able to make proper choices and to control our desires and emotions if we are to prepare to return to our Father in Heaven.

• Bear your testimony that as family members consciously develop self-mastery, they can overcome many of the problems in their lives.

• Sing “Choose the Right” (Hymns,no. 239), or read the words, found below.

Choose the Right
Choose the right when a choice is placed before you.
In the right the Holy Spirit guides;
And its light is forever shining o’er you,
When in the right your heart confides.

[Chorus] Choose the right! Choose the right!
Let wisdom mark the way before.
In its light, choose the right!
And God will bless you evermore.

Choose the right! Let no spirit of digression
Overcome you in the evil hour.
There’s the right and the wrong to ev’ry question;
Be safe through inspiration’s pow’r.

Choose the right! There is peace in righteous doing.
Choose the right! There’s safety for the soul.
Choose the right in all labors you’re pursuing;
Let God and heaven be your goal.

Select a problem in your life or in your family. Follow the steps outlined in the lesson to master the problem. Read the scriptures for appropriate models in developing self-discipline.

Additional Scriptures
• Proverbs 25:28 (rule your own spirit)

• James 1:26 (control your speech)

• Alma 38 (Alma’s counsel to Shiblon to observe meekness and self-control)

Teacher Preparation
Before presenting this lesson:

1. Study Gospel Principles chapter 4, “Freedom to Choose.”

2. Prepare the posters suggested in the lesson, or write the information on the chalkboard.

3. Prepare to have the class sing at the conclusion of the lesson “Choose the Right” (Hymns, no. 239), or plan to read the words in class.

4. Be prepared to bear your testimony that as family members consciously develop self-mastery, they can overcome many personal problems.

5. Assign class members to present any stories, scriptures, or quotations you wish.

[picture] 18-a, Wise parents teach their children self-mastery.

This is a GREAT video, watch it!!!

A few thoughts...

(wife posting)
Last week I attended my second 12-step recovery meeting for those that love someone who struggles from sexual addictions. I wish that I could go to these meetings every week, but with finances right now we can't afford to get a sitter that often, hopefully that will change soon. The meeting was great, it reminded me that I am not alone in my thoughts, fears, frustrations, hopes, etc... These are normal emotions for people in my situation.

For now I am on step one-

"Admit that you are powerless over sexaholism-that your life has become unmanageable."

Sounds easy, right? It should be so easy for me to admit that I am powerless over my husbands addictions and that MY life has become unmanageable due to my attitude and actions as a result of these addictions. Well guess what, it isn't!!!!!!
Giving up power is a hard thing, I have tried to control my husband addictions for so long now that at times it has consumed me, I want to "fix" things, I want to make threats so that he wont do these horrible things again, I want to threaten divorce in the hope that it will scare him away from Pornography forever, I WANT TO CONTROL THIS and I can't! I think what is even harder to admit is that MY life has become unmanageable through this. WHAT! I know this is true, but it is not easy to admit. The first time my husband and I saw a councilor together, at the end of the session she handed both my husband and I a paper with a list of questions to answer and things to work on before our next session. At first I thought, sweet, here is where I get to go off about all that I have been through. To my surprise and horror this wasn't what this assignment was about AT ALL. This assignment was about me looking at my own life and recognizing what I needed to work on. I was so offended, I thought 'how dare she give me this when we are here to talk about HIM'. It took some serious humbling of myself to actually do the assignment and truly look at my own life and where it was really at. I am grateful I did that.

This past week I have searched within my self to really understand step one and apply it to my life. I have prayed for guidance and I have felt the spirit whisper words of encouragement daily this week. My biggest struggle this past week (and always) has been letting go of trying TO MAKE my husband actively participate in recovery with me, I want him to so badly, but in the end the choice is up to him!

These are just a few of the thoughts and feelings I have had this past week...

Lead by example

I have had this feeling several times this week, that if I lead by example that my husband will follow. I spend so much time worrying about why he isn't working on HIS recovery, why he isn't reading his material, why he isn't praying or reading his scriptures, that I don't stop and think about what I am doing for my recovery. A few days ago I decided that I wasn't going to bring up any of these things to my husband that day, I wasn't going to give him any reminders, even if the reminders were kindly given. Instead I worked on ME this day, I said my prayers, I read my scriptures, I read my 12-step book, and GUESS WHAT, that night when he saw me doing this he pulled out his materials, sat on the bed next to me and did the same. That night before we went to sleep we knelt and prayed together, then we cuddled up in bed and went to sleep. IT WAS WONDERFUL!!! I didn't have to nag him, get frustrated with him, have the same old argument of 'why aren't you doing this or doing that'. It was peaceful and wonderful. I hope that as I continue to be an example for my husband that we can start to form good habits together and that at times he can lead me through his example.

Another thought I have had often this past week is that, 'it is okay to feel anger, but don't let it consume you."

I have felt the Lord continually remind me this past week that it is okay and normal for me to feel anger over these addictions that have damaged my marriage and life so much. That might sound so strange to people, but it is true, I feel like anger is part of the process, it is part of working through this, but has the Lord has gently reminded me, over and over again, I need to move on from my anger, I need to deal with it and put it behind me so that I can heal.

The last prompting that I have been having that I would like to share is the thought I have had several times that, ' the only person I can fix is me.'

THIS has been a hard one for me!!! But I hope that as I work on myself that my husband will see this and want to do the same. I want to be in a better place in my life, I know that this will take so much work, but it will be worth it. The hardest part is knowing that I have to do this for me wither or not my husband chooses to do it for him self. I will continue to hope, pray, and plead with the Lord that my husband will make the right choice.

To my Husband,

I am proud of the progress that you are making and the progress we are making, even if it is slow! I love you so much and I am grateful for all of the wonderful things you bring into my life. Thank you for being my husband, best friend, and father of our beautiful children, THIS FAMILY IS WORTH FITTING FOR!!!


Your wife