Tuesday, September 27, 2011

If you saw me on the street...

(wife posting)

If you were to see me on the street, or at the grocery store, or at my kids elementary school I would look from outward appearances like I have my life put together. You wouldn't see the hurt, resentment, and anger that I sometimes carry inside me. You would just see a wife and mother who loves her family and is trying very hard each day to do the best she can.

I often wonder when I put on a "Happy Face" if people can see through it? The TRUTH is that majority of the time I am VERY HAPPY, I love my life, and my family. BUT there are days that living with an addict is TOO MUCH and this burden is hard to bear.

I am VERY proud of my husband for the progress he has made. I am very proud of him for not having any relapses in the last several years, but just because he has not relapsed does not mean he is no longer an addict. I wish that it could be OVER, that we could both walk away from this disease and be fully recovered. But the truth of the matter is that this will be a life long battle, a life long recovery process, and it takes making the right choices {EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.}.

One of the hardest parts for me in all this is not being able to fix things. I WANT TO FIX MY HUSBAND, I want to free him, us from this. I HATE that I can't do this! Letting go of my desires to control things is very hard for me. It's not that I am a control freak, I just want to make things better when I can.

I know that the only person I can change is ME. I am working on this, taking baby steps, and working towards being a better me. Addiction spreads into every aspect of your life, I have seen this for my husband and my self. You HAVE to wake up each day ready to do whatever it takes to let Satan know that HE WILL NOT WIN!

This week my husband and I are working on forming better habits and keeping to a better schedule. I know that it is going to be very hard at first, but I hope that with the help of Heavenly Father and the support of each other that over time that we can replace our bad habits with good ones. Here are a few things we are working on...

1. Going to bed by 10pm & waking up by 6am (during the week)
2. Reading our scriptures & praying as a family and personally each day
3. Having couples prayer each day & reading an ensign article together
4. Exercising at least 4x each week
5. Being on time to church each week
6. Attending the temple a min. of 1x each month
7. Fulfilling our home teaching and visiting teaching
8. Magnifying our church callings
9. Having weekly FHE with our family
10.Being calmer & more patient with our children

***I KNOW that if we can put our lives in the Lords Hands and follow is commandments that he will help us through any trial that we are given in this life. Trials test and try our faith, but if we are faithful to the end the Lord will bless us! When we follow the Lords plan he is bound and will always take care of us.***

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