Thursday, September 22, 2011

Self Confidence (wife posting)

"You must love yourself and who you are first before you can effectively love and help others."

(I found this cartoon and thought it was funny! Sometimes it seems easier to just sit back and not work on our selves but then we just feel crappy, in the end doing the hard work it takes to build self confidence is worth the result and rewards!)

I haven't posted in awhile and I really want to be better about this. I want to keep my self on a positive track and focus on not dwelling on the past. As usual life is crazy. We have a family, home, career, church callings, etc... to take care of. I have really learned in the last few years how important it is to always take care of MYSELF... I know this may sound selfish, but when I am not taking very good care of myself, I am really not taking very good care of most things in my life.

Most, if not all women who have been through the trial of having a husband addicted to pornography have experienced some very serious doubts in their self confidence. I know that this has been the case for me, it is hard not to feel bad about your self, your body, your looks, etc... when your husband is caught in this addiction. I want all of the women (or men) who read this blog to know that your spouses addictions have NOTHING to do with you. Unfortunately some caught in this addiction may tell you that it is because you are not affectionate enough, or sexual enough, etc...(I am very lucky that my husband is aware that this is his problem and has never said these things to me personally, but it happens in LOTS of similar situations). It is so important that we always remember that we did not cause this addiction, nor is it in anyway our fault.

For me going back to school and attending a 12-step group for spouses has greatly increased my confidence. Going back to school and gaining an education in a field I LOVE has helped me to have a personal identity outside of being a wife and mother. I LOVE being a wife and a mother but needed something that was just for me. Attending the support group also greatly helped me to regain my self confidence, it was cleansing to hear that I am not crazy, the feelings and frustrations I have are normal and very common in this situation.

To those who are caught or have been caught in the addiction of pornography...
You can in know way understand your spouses side of this. The hurt, the anger, the frustration, the distrust, the heartache, embarrassment, and self doubting. I don't say these things to make you feel worse, but I say them to help you understand the various levels of destruction that this disease of addiction causes. Out of all of the emails that I have gotten since starting this blog, almost EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM has been from a wife who WANTS to help her husband, who loves her husband, who wants to save her family, and who is HURTING. From the bottom of my heart I beg you to think about what pornography has done to your life, your marriage, your self, and others. Thank your wife for wanting to help you, thank her for loving you enough to be willing to work things out, and thank Heavenly Father for putting someone in your life who is willing to forgive you, support you, and love you. Think about what pornography can do to a persons self image and self esteem... Tell your wife EVERYDAY how beautiful she is (or your husband), help her to feel more confident and secure, help to re-build her self esteem, she NEEDS this from you just as much as you need her love and support!

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