Tuesday, April 7, 2009

From The Wife's Perspective

I want to start out by saying that I am very happy that my husband started this blog. I really think that it will be a great tool for us to try to work through the enormous obstacles that we are currently facing. We are really hoping that through this blog we can help other people that might find them selves in a similar situation. I have spent a lot of time thinking about "how" we are going to help other people when we are struggling so much. I want to be a success story. I want to be THAT couple who through turning of lives over to the Lord got through it. I want to be happy and in love again. We are not there, but I truly believe that we could be if we take the steps necessary to get there. For now I hope that when other people read this blog that it will give them strength to keep trying and to know that they are NOT alone. But in the future I hope that people will be able to come to this blog and read about a couple who made it through the biggest trial of their lives (so far) and are whole again.

One of the most difficult parts of dealing with these trials for me has been how alone I have felt. I have known about my husbands addictions for about 6 years now (majority of our marriage). I have felt very alone and helpless throughout most of this time. There are a few of our family members that know about my husbands addictions but I have found that talking to them has not been a big help for me. I'm not saying that talking to a family member might not be a good thing for someone else, but in my case it really didn't help. I feel like family members are to emotionally connected and it is hard for them to hear about what you are going through because they don't want you to be hurting.

I know that I need to turn to prayer more often and that if I would that I could gain a lot of peace in dealing with my trials. For some reason prayer has really been something I am struggling with to do consistently. I want to change that! I want to grow closer to the Lord through prayer. Speaking with our Bishop has been a HUGE help for me. Our Bishop is one of the most amazing men that I have ever met. He has helped my husband and I tremendously and I am so grateful that he has been there for us during these difficult times. Another thing that has really helped me was to talk to my husbands best friend about our situation. I debated for a long time weather or not I should go to his friend (our friend:) and tell him about what was going on, but I KNEW that telling him was what Heavenly Father wanted me to do. I think that telling his friend was not just to help me, but to help my husband. My husband would have never told his friend on his own and now he can go to him for help if he needs to.

I want all of the wives out there to know that they are NOT alone. There are so many of us that are experiencing them same trials and heartache that you are. If you ever need someone to talk to PLEASE feel free to email me- spirituallyfit09@gmail.com

Right now with all that we are dealing with I feel like I tend to focus on my husbands short comings rather than his strengths. I want him to KNOW how much I really do love him. I would not have stayed in this marriage if I didn't love him. We are at a crossroad in our marriage, I have had ENOUGH and he has to choose, Our Family or the Addictions? I hope and pray he chooses us!! I KNOW that he can be the man he was MEANT to be. My husband is incredibly smart, he is an amazing father, a born leader, and aside from the addictions a great husband and friend. I truly believe that he can do anything and be anything that he wants to be. I have never met someone with so much talent in so many different areas. I am READY to see him take those talents and be the amazing man that I know he is capable of being.


  1. Good luck to you! It's so "comforting" to know there is another couple dealing with this.. I'm an lds wife of an addict also. It's a heavy, lonley and hard life, but I'm praying we will make it. It's been 7 years now, will we ever get to the day when we are free from this? God help us..

    Do the husband truly understand the pain we as the wife feel? I don't know if they do..? I told my husband, I would rather have him walk up to me and brake my arm.. I could take it, I would not wimper down, and say -no, stop! I can't take it, I give up, Ok, ok, go look at porn!

    His addiction to porn, hurts me so deeply, I have never known such pain in my life..
    Don't do it my love, don't do it again.. Please, I can't take it..

    What is the solution? What do the husband need or want to get out of this? What should be we do to help? what should we not do? Why?? why do they even do this? I do not understand..I feel so confused, lonley, angry, depressed, hurt, ugly, unvaluable, bitter, dissapointed, speechless, scared, panicky, overwhelmed, regretfull, sad, numb, hurt, betrayed, disgusted... The list goes on... I want to scream, throw dishes.. If I somehow could face the devil, I would kill him. If that even makes sense! How dare he come and attack my husband, my family.. It is too strong, too much.. it's too hard. Where is the relief, the cure.. I only pray we will keep going, keep going strong, we will beat this. We will make it. I love my man and he will be fine forever, please God, Please help us.

  2. I love my man, he will be mine forever.. That is what I meant. That is all I want, my man by my side forever.. I appreciate you taking the time to write a blog about your trial and fight.. I'll be checking back. Thank you.