Monday, April 6, 2009

The Never Ending Loop

I don't know how many people out there find themselves in a never ending cycle that they cannot get out of? I am sure there are people that don't even realize that they are in one. I can honestly say I want out of mine. My relationship with my wife is in the same loop as my addictions and has been for some time. I don't know how many more times we can have the same arguments and the same conversations. I know what i need to do! We argue, she gets mad over all the same things that she has been mad about for years, I feel like she can't get past anything, she feels like I am not doing anything different to change our situation, I feel like I am doing things and she just isn't seeing them, she feels like I am doing the minimum, I realize she is right as usual, I humble myself and apologize and make promises she has heard a thousand times, I start out excited to make changes and really show her I am serious and going to do it, and then before I know it we are back to the beginning.

I have been able to avoid my addictions for some time now but I think the key word there is AVOID. My wife knows it and so do I. They are not gone and just like every so often over the last 15 years we are both waiting for something to happen to take us back to square one. Thus I am in a holding pattern, a repeating cycle, and if I don't get help soon I am heading for another crash that I am sure will finally end my marriage so....

Step 1 - Admit that you have an addition and alone you are completely powerless to stop it and that your life is out of control and unmanageable.

Its time to really do the things that I have been promising to do for 6 years. I don't know what will be different, I don't know why I will finally be able to do It this time, but I know this time I am not going to try to do it alone. I am going to rely on the Lord, my friends, and my wife(that is very easy to write and I pray that I can really do it).


  1. This is so my life with my husband. Good Luck!!

  2. Good Luck to you!! Do whatever you need to, to save your family. My parents were divorced because my father was addicted to the same things as you. It literally ruined all my siblings. Please, for the sake of your wife and children get the help you need. You are in my prayers.