Wow, it has been a really long time since I have posted on this blog. I wish that I could say that things have been so blissfully happy that I haven't felt the need to let out steam through writing. The actual truth is that things on the whole since my last post have been good, we are currently struggling with some issues, but we are dealing with them and working through them. I think often times when things are "good" we start to slack off in our diligence. I know that has been the case for me at least. When my husbands addictions aren't starring me right in the face, I tend to forget how important it is to continue to work on myself and my recovery.
For myself, coping with the distrust that my husbands addictions have brought into our marriage is a daily battle. One I often times don't win. There are many days where my mind wanders and I find myself paranoid about where he is and what he's doing. A major issue that my husband and I have is that he has a BIG problem telling the truth with both small and big issues. I have tried for years to figure out WHY it is so hard for him to be honest about little things (and big things). I am not sharing this to bash my husband in anyway, but I want to be REAL and HONEST on this blog. If I'm not honest about how we are "REALLY DOING" then I'm not helping myself or anyone else.
I found this quote online and I think it fits nicely with how strongly I feel about the need to be honest...
“Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is telling the truth to other people".
To me honesty and Integrity go hand in hand. And in a marriage if you don't have both of those you are fighting a loosing battle. Which is exactly how I feel when my husband is dishonest with me about anything... if he can't be honest about little things, then HOW ON EARTH is he going to be honest about BIG things???
I believe lying is a key component to addiction. When you participate in things such as pornography, gambling, drugs, or whatever your addiction might be and you live a double life, hiding your "addictive" self from others, then you have no choice but to LIE to keep up your destructive lifestyle. When these things go on for years and years, you have become a habitual liar, and after time I'm sure lying comes easier then telling the truth.
*I found this article online about Lying & Addictions and believe that it fully supports my feelings on why lies feed addictions. http://www.bma-wellness.com/papers/Addiction_Lies_Rel.html
I can not and will not put up with lying of any kind in my marriage. Trust is not handed out freely but EARNED. It is not just earned by not participating in addictions, it is earned in THOUGHT, WORD, AND DEED. To be truly honest with others you must be completely honest with yourself. Often times really taking an inward look at our own life is not easy, depending on the choices we have made it can be down right painful, BUT true HONESTY and INTEGRITY requires us to do so. If lying is something you really struggle with then I believe it will require some serious self discipline to break this horrible habit!
To My Husband,
I love you with all my heart. I love our family and our beautiful children. We deserve the TRUTH at all times and in all situations. Lies weather big or small are still lies. WE have worked too hard and come too far for you to break down the trust that has been re-built by being dishonest with me. I realize that honesty is something you really struggle with and I am willing to help you, but it is going to take both of us working together to combat this problem. Little lies turn into big lies and then before you know it we will be right back at square one again and frankly that is somewhere I AM NEVER WILLING TO GO BACK TO. I have stuck by your side through hell and back, I have earned the right for you to respect me, our family, & yourself enough to ALWAYS be honest. I NEED you to know how serious I am about this and that it is not something I am willing to put up with. I know that the intentions of your heart are good, know you want to do what is right, but you have to show me daily that you are working hard to break these bad habits.
Love
Your Wife
